It's been awhile ...

Have been quite a period for me. Don't know where to start from. I am actually really tired, and I think I really need some time with myself here.

Going into my third and final year of studies, time flies, have been always trying to go for something new. & I think I have been really ambitious all these while, and have went too far out. When I felt lost, and seek to return to my comfort zone, I felt that I no longer have a comfort zone. Fiddled too much with it, always felt that it was important to make new friends, but have never make the effort to maintain the relationship.

Just within this few months, I have gotten things I have not expected, achieving things that was beyond what I thought I could do, receiving endless shit which I thought never deserved.  At a point, I was lost and on the verge of giving everything up. I have pondered on the things I am working for now, is really what I wanted.

Have been having a mental turmoil. Stress and pressure have been overwhelming. & I guess I did not manage it well, and it is piling. It have been quite a beating. Crying seems to be for the weak. & I think I am getting weaker by the day.

I do not hate my life, in fact, I thought it was really fulfilling. But I thought, having a break now, would be great and rejuvenating. "Resting for a moment, to walk a thousand miles"

At times I felt I have lost the basic sense to differentiate the right from the wrong, and I am afraid I might just become the one I abhors. & might one day pick up the stick of ciggar that leads me no where, dazing into thin air.

"Every man is like a zebra. We all have black and white stripes on us. We can try our best to hide it, but we'll never be able to get rid of it. It is the thing that gives us our identity - the evil could be lying within, and we just got to master how to contain it"

There was this group of people that I was really thankful during this period of time. They pretty much hang on with me all these while. Though they aren't able to help much, being able to hang out with them were good enough. <; Though at times I know my vent/ things I say dont make sense, they were able to show sympathy just to make me feel better. They gave me assurance, that there were still someone behind my back when the the whole world seems to be against me. Grateful and thankful. I really mean it. Times might be hard for me now, but it is you guys that matters.

But anyway I am already 19th. :>

"The things that don't kill us, just going to make us stronger."
" For we shall not fear of inadequacy, and fear that one day we would be beyond measures. "