.
I AM RUNNING WITH ALL I HAVE,
but into the middle of nowhere.
Helpless.

What if i didnt get into the team?
Have i done not good enough
Maybe it is a hard fact that i cant play as well as the others
Oh god why is it happening to me again?
Stop playing around with me,it is really tiring me mentally
What possible thing that is needed to be done,is alrdy been done
So what is lacking now?
So why i am still playing so badly

Consoling me with
I have alrdy given my best,it is just a lie
I can do so much btr if i have given more?
I am lousy.suck i am really born this way?

It has been around 3years training,my play is still so..
Whenever playing match i feel so guilty,losing my ball ,pulling my team down.
Who will ever get into the state of mine?
I guess it wouldnt be long after the coach announce who will be in the team,
3more months?

dont even have the space to breathe

.

Jealousy.
jealous of why ppl can get top in class and why i cant.
jealous of how ppl can play so well but i just suck big time.
jealous of why ppl can get the post i always wanted.

Sometimes i just cant stop the thought of wanting to quit,to end something forever.
I am such a big loser.
god help me please,I am tired.

I guess nobody knows how bad is my back now.

sometimes when i have runs the pain just torturous

went to the doctor for several times alrdy,

all the doctor gave was some lotion to apply on my back or either just some painkiller.

the doctor alrdy asked me to stop playing basketball ,my mother also nag bcos of this [damn irritating]

I have to continue to go for training,hang on for one more year.

My chance of getting into the team is alrdy very slim, i cant afford to miss training